happiness and the like

happiness isn't easy to define- it's different for everyone.

for one thing, people are different. actually, that's the most important thing.

before my diagnosis, i figured i was pretty happy. beautiful family, the most amazing husband in the world, friends that spoil me rotten, and an itinerary people would throw tomatoes at me for. i felt pretty fulfilled.

BANG! Hodgkin's.

BANG!! Oh man, why didn't I do EVERYTHING I've wanted to do yet?

So it's unrealistic to think that way. At 31, I had done A LOT of things and SEEN a lot of places. It wasn't enough.

Why didn't I get up these last couple of years to tackle HALF that ever-growing to do list?

I didn't know it was HL. I thought it was early menopause, a cold, the flu, pneumonia or something. Turns out, it was more like EVERYTHING!!

Now, I don't feel too bad that i was THAT lazy- I knew that there was something wrong with me, I just didn't know what it was. It took a long time to find out, and by then, I was diagnosed with a stage 2b.

Ah, well. This chapter of my life is almost over.

Then what?
Everything.

EVERYTHING!

My energy levels (which used to border on up real early to sleepy when it's really late) are coming back. My oomph to do and see and buy and eat everything is coming back.

My poor husband. My poor friends.

Who is going to get rest this summer? Not me. I can't wait to LIVE.

I owe it to everyone- my family, my friends, other survivors, and those who have gone before us.

And I really owe it to myself.

Like my nephew said, I will always be the slayer.

a letter to my future self

Dear Me,

It's January 8th, 2013. In numbers, 23 years ago today our niece was born, it's been 3 months since running around from doctor to doctor, 2 months since I've gotten diagnosed with a rare form of cancer called Hodgkin's Lymphoma.

Last year, I had just gotten back from a whirlwind vacation with my soulmate. The same goes for two years ago. 2 months since my first "not-published-by-just-me" book found its way in bookstores, 2 months since my first book discussion and signing...8 years MARRIED! to my soulmate...

Writing all this down makes me realize that I am extremely lucky. I'm still living a charmed life- Hodgkin's is curable and even though chemo is kicking my ass, I'm going to kick cancers ass and move on with my life- write more books, give more hugs and snuggles, meet more people, travel the world.

Where do I want to be next year when I look back and read this? Settled into my new life, taking care of myself and those around me. So far I've learned: what was wrong with me and why I was feeling so fatigued and sick, who my real friends are (I really got lucky with my group of friends- they are the most amazing people I know. True friends reveal themselves in times of hardships, and for that I am truuuuly thankful), my crazy strength ( i guess. everyone's been telling me i am, but i feel it's more of an "gotta do this to get back to my life" thing, and that God is present in everything (that's a story for another day. well- 10 days. so far.)

Cancer-Schmancer is right. I'm really quite through with it. I have 8 more chemo treatments left, and I muster up what looks like strength to get through the week with it. It's gross and makes me sick. What else it's trying to teach me I don't know. I've always been extremely grateful for my life, for the little things, for anything. There is a lesson in everything. Will I be forever afraid that it will come back? Maybe. There's the one year after chemo to build your immune system back up. I can't wait to be with you at that one year mark. Then there's the five year mark, where after that, you *i* are considered cured. I desperately want to be there already, but I won't let LIFE go until then. I plan to LIVE.

Cured cured cured. I want to hear that word so much. When I do hear it, I'll be 36 years old. That, in and of itself, is a miracle to me even hearing it, thinking about it. I was never one to be selfish or worry about  myself, and to know that I have to watch my every feeling for the rest of my life because my life now does depend on it is overwhelming. After April, a new routine, diet, celebration of life will ensue for as long as God sees it fit for me to be on this earth, and I will relish every second. Just like we all should, because that's all we can do.

The lesson that I may have to LET be taught to be because of all this? To keep strong with faith, and to not hold off anything that I want to do (not that anyone should!) for another day.

By next year, I hope your (my) life changes into something greater than I could have ever imagined NOT walking down this journey- I hope I (we?) have done everything we've wanted and could possibly do to make life that much richer. I'll know more that life was never about the material stuff, or accomplishments, or anything fleeting. Life is not about the TIME you have left- but what you DO with the time you've been given (wait, isn't that a famous quote?)

Life is and will always be about:
love
happiness
joy
family
friends
experiences
smiles
hugs
memories
furry friends
a quiet meal
beauty
faith
intention

And mine's gonna be great.
See you (me!) next year.

Signed,
the globetrotting gamine

Octoberpalooza

Welcome to 31 days of Octoberpalooza!

(fun fun fun)

So here's what the plan is for this month:

• guest posts
• more harvest activities
• paranormal blurbs
• haunt-y photos and stories
• how pumpkin carving turned out
• what i love the most about October
• what my assistant loves the most about October
• shots from October-past
• and so much more!

This is really my most favorite month. I've been 31 years old for a few days, and my wedding anniversary of 7 years is on its way (8 years in city hall and I am so blessed- I'm the luckiest girl in the world)

Yay Octoberpalooza!

on the edge?

there are so many things i'd like to say that i hardly know where to begin- did you ever feel that way?

i am hopefully a couple of months away from my huge announcement- that in which if you know me, y'all ready know so please relax.

i've been reflecting a lot upon my life and others' during this time. i have seen a lot of situations from different angles and quite a bit more clearly-- i totally understand what was going on with the universe now, even though i had no idea then. maybe i should break it down...

1. Friends- the who's who. It turns out that you really do, in the depths of your soul, always know who your true friends are-- and if your soul is telling you to run from someone, just run. you don't owe anyone explanations to make your life amazing!
2. People- no matter what their age, profession, gender, when they feel somehow threatened/intimidated by you--that's THEIR problem. Not yours. Your just the person they can't stand because of their own insecurities. Let them be, they'll never improve you.
3. Speaking of improving you-- did you ever clear out the clutter from your home, thus from your mind? Did you ever try organizing? Did you consult me about that? Why the hell not? Do it-- you'll feel so much better.
4. Those who don't listen the first seven times won't listen at all. Let it go. Their karma, not yours.
5. Keep doing what you love...and be happy.

lotsa love, and happy Monday...

Globetrotting Gamine

signing off ;)

a life lesson at 30

the one most important thing i've learned in the 30 years i've been around?

don't be afraid to go out and *live!

insanely thankful- an essay

here i am- it's the night before my 30th birthday.
i feel like i'm coming to the end of a roller coaster and now my real fun can begin.

i can't help but think to myself- whoa, 30? Really?
i know i can't possibly ask how i got here, because I know.

i know what i've been through, lived through-- what and who and when i've loved, what i've liked not-so-much--
and how thankful i am that this is my life. mine.

how lucky i was to be born into my family...
to have the friends that never hurt me and always, ALWAYS took care of me..
to have the friends that made me understand what true friends are.

how lucky i was to have the childhood i've lived...
that i'd met my husband at such a young age and KNEW...
how lucky i was that the life i was meant to live followed me around like a shadow and never ceased to give me a 'wake up' kick in the ass.

how fortunate i was to go to good schools...
for my parents who gave me everything they possibly could, and for my sisters who watched out for me.
for my grandparents, who i miss so much and who were a second set of parents to me.

how thankful i am for the block i was born and lived on...
the schools i went to and the experiences i've had--
not all of them outstanding but they do make for good stories i've written ;)

for the people i met in the workforce since the age of 16,
and everyone i met while i was, officially, a school counselor...
for the opportunity to be pushed into writing as if a sumo wrestler was trying to teach me a lesson.

there are so many moments i remember from days past that i will never forget...
like... sitting in a patch of sunlight on my living room floor, witnessing the banter between my Grandma and Grandpa.
like...having my friends running through my house, and one throwing my shoe up into my gutter...

i wonder if it's still there!

i will never forget the days of watergun fights, watching movies with my friends, eating endlessly, saving my friend from an oncoming bicycle-slaught, remembering every single moment i touched my husband's hand when i was a 13 year old with a crush...
i can't help remembering "my kids" who taught me so much...
i will never forget looking into the eyes of my peers and breathing a sigh of relief that others outside my circle might actually know me for who i really was--because they did, do...

i will never forget the scary and hysterical moments with everyone i've come across-- my mentor who was a part of my very soul and probably hanging out with my Grandparents at this very moment...

the days under the sun...the boys i had a crush on, especially the one who owned my heart from the very first moment...

i will never forget the days i spent with my crazy niece-- who would chase people down with babybottles filled with water to spray into peoples eyes and her endless shrieks...that were just to annoy people and not at all from laughter. i remember when she used to sneak upstairs on weekend morning so we would watch scary movies and try not to scream to wake up Grandma.

i will never forget the day my first nephew came home...and how i couldn't even pick him up because he was so small....or the times he would make his way up the stairs and crawl into bed with me, holding his two pacifiers. it seemed that the only time he would sleep would be when he was with me. and when he was awake, he was happiest playing with LML.

i will never forget the day i met my youngest nephew- with his button nose and big brown eyes. and the fact that he farted in my hand as if to state, ' yes! i was born into this family- haha!'

...when i swung on my sisters' hair...
...discovering and exploring the library with my older sister...
...pets on the head from grandma and mom...
...grandpa helping me with art/easter homework because he was an artist. and a photographer. and a great man....
...my dad and his amazing brain, though he doesn't think so. and the fact that anything he cooks is ridiculously yummy...
...and the fact that i have his eyes...
..and the stories of my amazing family...

there are so many things i will never forget, that made me ME. so many people that hold a special place in my heart that it's unbelievable.

i am so thankful...and not just because i'm almost 30.

because i'm still me, and i still am. and i always will be....

so thanks...
for buying my books, listening to me prattle on, supporting me and encouraging me. thank you for the hugs, for letting me take pictures to post..or even of whoever is reading this.

i wish i could have captured every moment. but i've kept the near and dear ones very close.

thank you :)

love this sound.

please

watch video and

experience

utter relaxation.

ahhhh....

sorry that it's sideways :)

celebrating life

needless to say, i married my best friend.

i love him so much- and i know...

that no one understands me better. we never pretended to be something we weren't to each other and are really honest.

we're not afraid to hurt each others feelings.

we've been to quite a few countries that i will post about come fall (which is our favorite season so the perfect time to do so!) and have done so many great things together.

i am so excited about our future together...he's the best guy i know <3
and i've known him since i was 13.

and incredibly patient with me, so you really have to hand it to him :)

i wouldn't want to celebrate my life with anyone else...
he really is the most interesting man in the world!

happy happy

love me,
the globetrotting gamine

peoples opinions

"You should never let others opinions define who you are.

They don't know you well enough.

This doesn't mean that what other people have to say is not valuable, but you must realize that it is purely their opinion and not necessarily true for you."

-James Van Praagh

enhance your life: the universe

"If you are on the path you are meant to be on, everything falls into place;

the Universe is telling you that. If you are not on your right path, you will experience

roadblocks all along the way, and this is also the Universe

telling you to stop, look and ask if this is where you are supposed to be."

-Dolores North as told to James Van Praagh

enhance your life: like attracts like

"Many of you have been around people whose attitude is self-defeating and depressing. These people are not very popular,because their negative attitude pushes others away. At the same time, they tend to draw into their lives other like-minded victims who have the same fearful mentality. You know the expression: misery loves company. How can anyone succeed in life when surrounded by negative energy? With such a dismal outlook on life, victims always feel as though they have been dealt a bad hand.

...if individuals, despite their situations, do not seek a world past the one they know and attempt to learn the skills to understand and become aware of their true selves, they will continue to live in these adverse and restricted conditions."

-James Van Praagh

Ghosts Among Us

enhance your life: love vs. fear

"If we define our reality by measuring the world with our senses, our environment, and what we have been taught, we believe that only what we perceive around us is real. The truth is that life on earth is a temporary illusion. In fact, everything in the physical world is transitory. The only true constant is love-- the power that creates and expands. Love knows no judgement or criticism; love just is.

It is the characteristics of love that draw people and situations to us. When we do something out of love, we create more love, but when we do something for the sake of money or fame, for instance, we may get those things, but our hearts and souls will be left empty. When we live with love, it affects us with positive characteristics such as joy, happiness, compassion, and laughter."

-James Van Praagh

about life situations

"All of our life situations happen in order for us to learn. These experiences are actually gifts for the soul. The gist wrappings may not be what we would like or what we had expected, but the contents are uniquely designed just for us. The Universe is perfect. A soul goes through life's most common and challenging emotional lessons in its quest for understanding and to move forward in its development."

-James Van Praagh

enhance your life: money

"We have all known or heard about people who have great fortunes at their disposal.

Yet these millionaires are some of the most unhappy and unfulfilled people on earth.

Just having money doesn't necessarily mean you have wealth.

Money is a material object.

Being wealthy is an attitude."

-James Van Praagh

Unfinished Business

Enhance Your Life via Kimora Lee Simmons

One of my favorite indulgences is going to the public library.
Reasons:

• I can pick up as many books as I want and not spend a fortune.
• I don't feel bad if I don't read one of the books I have picked up
• Every writer needs to read A LOT= library
• um, summer heat and air-conditioned library. Enough said.

so i picked up Kimora Lee Simmons' book Fabulosity because, let's face it- the woman's made it. She's freaking awesome! And her life lessons: inspirational.

What intrigued me about this book the most was this part...

The Fabulosity "tough-soft woman-warrior"way

1. If you have one good friend in life, you're lucky. You don't have to have ten and don't tell everyone your business. Women can't always be trusted. They will screw you over, take your stuff, and go behind your back. You hear it all the time from women, how their friends or even their sisters betrayed them! I have a few friends that I've known forever, a couple from high school and from early modeling years, and that's about it.
2. Cut off dead boughs. Saw off old friendships and ties that hold you back. Such as people who think you've gotten too big for your boots, have sold out, or that you're snobby for moving to a new neighborhood. If they're not going to celebrate your success and push you higher with their applause, ditch 'em. You don't need bad energy bringing you down!
3. Walk toward your fears. Just like that girl in the junior high cafeteria, sometimes you have to turn and face the thing you're frightened of. I was scared to get on a plane and go halfway around the world with my kids recently, even though I used to travel nonstop. I had gotten out of the practice and was anxious about all that could go wrong. (same thing with cartwheels: used to be great at 'em, but now too scared to try even one!) It's crazy. So I made myself get on the plane and go without thinking about it, because to let silly fears hold me back would have been weak.
4. Put out positivity. I definitely practice the discipline of being positive. To everyone who walks in the office. I give a hug or say something like, "You look great today!" It's  a preventative measure to kind of fill the air with good vibes, like creating a positive force field and putting out what you want to get back. Because God knows somewhere somebody is saying something negative about you, and that affects you even if you don't hear or see it.
5. Hold your tongue. The mean words you say will hurt everyone and the effect of putting out negativity does take a toll on you. Just stop it! Bite your own tongue and be one less negative energy in the universe. If you don't have something good to say, try to shut up. And if you don't have a genuine smile to give, fake one.

It turns out that the past couple of years have been huge years in my life. I'd done what I'd never thought I would do- like believe in myself enough to self-publish, to travel to places I never thought I'd go to (though I'd always wanted to go), and say good-bye to people who's life goal was to make other people miserable by trying to administer control over them somehow.

The truth of the matter is, the only person who controls your life is you. Moreover, the only person RESPONSIBLE for YOUR life is YOU.

Not your mother, father, husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, friends...you!

When you don't own up to anything, and you don't claim responsibility for your own actions you really have no room to grow. I am so happy that I learned the lessons these last few years have taught me- I wouldn't be where I am right now.

Loving my life and pushing to live it and make it better.

So what if you have to cut out the negative energies in your life? If you would rather be nasty and icky vibe-d, that's fine.

But no one deserves abuse. And everyone deserves happiness.

gamine dictionary post

i have a blogging map.

blogging map: a picture description of items to blog about.

you would think that it would keep me organized- but it doesn't.

I am sitting staring at the map and it's not making sense to me. How can I write about all these things that I love, when there are nasty people out there and so many things to do?

nasty people: people that i thought i knew and was stupid enough to be friends with. for example, people who a million years later are trying to talk behind your back. 2: people that have nothing better to do than try to get to you through friends or other means.

honestly, life is going good.

despite things i have mentioned, life is incredibly good. it would be good if it was only health-wise but the truth of the matter is...life is AMAZING.

the reason i may have found myself in a writing rut is because i simply have too much to write about. my notebooks are about to have me fired due to overload, my blog drafts are overflowing alog with my to-do lists...it's absolute chaos!

happily, i have found that copy-cats of the blogging variety have been staying away from using my content (without my permission)...to that i say: THANKS for getting your own life!

also, that without the constant support of my very yummy LML, puppy, family and friends i would be a pile of goo.

they help keep me on the path of righteousness: which, for me, is writing. i thank god everyday for them and that.

i'm just happy. and i hope you are, too <3

love me,

the globetrotting gamine

my squishies

if i could say anything to my 3 best friends/squishies it would be this...

Lee Ann Womack's I Hope You Dance Lyrics:

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder

You get your fill to eat

But always keep that hunger

May you never take one single breath for granted

God forbid love ever leave you empty handed

I hope you still feel small

When you stand by the ocean

Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens

Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance

I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance

Never settle for the path of least resistance

Living might mean taking chances

But they're worth taking

Lovin' might be a mistake

But it's worth making

Don't let some hell bent heart

Leave you bitter

When you come close to selling out

Reconsider

Give the heavens above

More than just a passing glance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

I hope you dance

(Time is a real and constant motion always)

I hope you dance

(Rolling us along)

I hope you dance

(Tell me who)

I hope you dance

(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)

(Where those years have gone)

I hope you still feel small

When you stand by the ocean

Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens

Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance

Dance

I hope you dance

me and myself

me tickling the ivories while the cameras are on me; a feeling i got used to growing up :)



Writing has always come naturally to me. Since I was a little girl, it seemed as if poems had been whispered into my ears, there only release on me being to be written down. Stories would form in my mind piece by piece as I would recite them to my niece and nephew. I even went so far as to turn my sisters’ diary into articles for my ‘Family Newspaper’.


After a summer creative writing course while I was still in high school, my passion seemed to take a backburner as life entered. A chaotic, drama-induced completely unlike me took over, so much so that I was entirely too sure I was losing my mind. I never started drama, and I was constantly smack-dab in the middle of it.

One day I had found myself a graduate with a masters degree, married, a “homeowner” and finally embarking on the career path I’d earned (OK, so I earned a Bachelor’s in Criminal Justice first- a girl has the right to change her mind!)

Even then, I found myself anxiously awaiting for the moments that I could write. A letter to my students? I’ll write it. A letter to parents regarding the high school information fair? Already wrote it.

During those chaotic years, the creative person dwelling somewhere inside me began to notice something: while everyone else around me seemed to have their own “hobby” or something they were good at, I didn’t. It was true that growing up, I spent my time writing, drawing, doing tae kwon do, playing the piano in classical-piece recitals but that had all seemed to fall to the wayside only to be replaced with the stress of a boss who seemed dead-set on getting me fired and life as a grown up.

Eventually being without a job, I began to spend more quality time with my family and husband. During one particular night with no plans to go anywhere, I found myself holding pen to paper for what seemed like hours. An eternity of wondering what in the world I was doing and what I could possibly put down on the empty page that seemed to taunt my very existence.

My husband looked over to me and stated, “Oh good, you’re going to start writing again.”

Simple as that. No sugar-coated words, no “job” suggestions…just a simple statement which turned out to be an epiphany for me.

All these years of me not knowing that I did have a “hobby”, a passion, a “thing”, and suddenly I had one.

And everyone had known it except me.

Back to writing I went- full speed ahead. Poetry, short stories and ideas crammed my head. I was forced awake in the middle of the night by my need to write everything down. I started a blog to give my thoughts a specific home- though it turned into a hodge podge about my life. I began carrying around notebooks, pens, markers and frequenting coffee shops and book stores. Writing was opening up my thoughts to endless possibilities; it was making me a better person.

I went back to being happy, and feeling like I had a purpose. Even if no one ever reads anything I write, knows who I am or someone puts me and my writing down, I’m doing it.

Where it will take me? I haven’t found out yet.

enhance your life: it is amazing

it is amazing where life takes you...
you can't ever make plans.

you have to fly by the seat of your pants, really.
yes, there are routines. there are schedules, and even control freaks.
but how much can you really control?

as much as any person has free will, and the right to choose what they want for themselves, the world is always subject to change.

and it always will.

people, land, nature, trees, LIFE will always change.

thus change being my theme for the year.

amongst the many life changes i have gone through and still am going through, i know who i am.
i know i am strong, i know i am persistent.
i know who i am.

not many people like that, and that's fine. i'm not looking for approval.
i am my strongest motivation, i am my own worst or best critic.

that's one of my latest realizations that i am thankful i have had this past year.

i have applied myself and succeeded in the past; just as i will in the future.
i will survive struggles and challenges thrown at me and be the better for it.
and i'll have fun doing it. i'll have fun living my life.

because it's my own, after all.
and it's good :)

Cuvee Bistro and Bar at the Greenporter

Dear Cuvee,

i love you and i mean it. your culinary wisdom astounded me when we visited you a week ago. i know the pictures i will post will speak more than 1000 words but i just wanted to say-
i can't believe you've been open 5+ years and we've never sauntered in. please never go away! you were one of the new places we hit up during the week and we can't wait to see you again!

hello, fried oyster goodness. i should have ordered 8 of you.

oh, calamari. you and your dipping sauce soothed my tummy and taste buds.

LML's lobster ravioli.

Yum

NESS

i have no idea what my meal was called, but freaaaaaaking awesome!!

can i have a humongo version next time?!

the lovely crabcakes that we will sample next time.

so thank you, cuvee. we will see you so soon!

and thank you, friends...for letting me snap my photos <3

have you had any nom-nom food lately? i would love to read your comments/see your pics!

love me,

the globetrotting gamine