thank you!

for all your e-mails, phone calls, texts, etc.

they mean the world to me!

the globetrotting gamine blog may be undergoing some changes in the near future...

big things are happening since my stem cell transplant!

keep your eyes and ears posted

on a new layout, 

new ideas,

new blog entries,

a whole lifestyle change!

you can always e-mail me at

whosthatgamine@gmail.com

find me on instagram

http://instagram.com/globetrottinggamine

follow me on pinterest...same name!

catch me if you can...

love me,

the globetrotting gamine

so disappointed in LLS

This has nothing to do with my lymph nodes, but though I'm about to go through a SCT, I'm appalled at the way I've been treated and given the run around by LLS, since I was diagnosed in NOVEMBER and applied in NOVEMBER 2012 for copay assistance (because let's face it, med bills and gas for your car aren't cheap) and I just received $84 this past week. Seriously? I'm about to blog about my situation, for there was only one helpful person at LLS that I've spoken to through months of trying to find a leeway I'll never get to. I'm so disappointed.


Rundown of the story: I was diagnosed right after 2 biopsies and during hurricane sandy. So November 1st, I was told I had Hodgkin's Lymphoma and I called the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society right away.

Between sending them in what they needed (remember, this is Nov. 2012) bone marrow biopsies, chemo treatments, anti-anxiety meds and a port placement and an emergency room visit, I was pretty busy for about a month and a half.

So the first week of January or so, i call LLS to see if there's any leeway on my case- not like i'm really thinking about paperwork, but with HL anything helps.

I get this super nasty lady on the phone who treats me like a piece of crap. i doubt that was even recorded.

Cue more chemo, a bleo treatment on my already damaged lungs, hallucinations, black outs, pleural rubs, more tests, more meds...and I don't realize I've heard NOTHING from the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society until months later when my brain seems to be trying to pull itself from it's chemo stupor.

When I call up, they tell me that I'm not eligible for the full "grant" I could have gotten because I'VE LET TIME LAPSE!!

Oh gee,  you think? Maybe some frequent correspondence from your end would have helped? I am the only person in my house during the day, and my Mother has no idea from these things. But it doesn't matter.

So I finally reapply, and they send me, JUNE 2013, and $84 check only for MEDS!!

I am so disappointed and disgusted that a cancer patient would have to go through this rollercoaster just for a little sense of peace that I would tell people just not to bother with LLS. They have one saving grace there, and I won't mention her name, but she can't even help me with this. 

So now, after more tests, a pending stem celltransplant, complete with a catheter placed in my jugular like fucking frankenstein, I guess I can use the $84 to go to and from queens and manhattan.

sorry for venting. I am so mad.

creature-like

i realized the other day why having hodgkins lymphoma/going through chemo/having them pull bones and tissues out of you/and an endless brigade of petscans makes me feel like a creature.

that's why. poked and prodded practically everyday with no chance at the normal life one once reveled in.

make sure her bloods are up!
make sure she's not dehydrated?
make sure this and that...

don't get me wrong, i love MY doctors. but the doctors over at the stem cell place make me feel either dumb, or less of a person by having to shlep to their place of work at the times they want me to shlep there.

i don't want to shlep. i am a person. can i have one day free, to sleep. can i be selfish and ask for two free days during the week? i don't want to be your lab experiment. i'm only coming here to make sure my lymphnodes go back to normal and there's no more "cancer" in me.

so here's the deal that i know of so far...

• petscan tomorrow to see how far i've come after 2 ice chemos (after the 12 other chemo's I've had, where half supposedly only worked)
• when they will draw my stem cells from me including plugging a frankenstein-like thing into me to drain them
• if i will need another ice chemo
• when i will go in for my auto stem cell transplant. that means, they are using my own stem cells because they are healthy and not disease ridden. 
• then, 3 or so weeks in the hospital to get the stem cell transplant.
• one week of around the clock intensive chemo to eradicate whatever trace of disease in my body could be left. this will weaken me.
• the day after that, they put my stem cells (after the thaw them out, of course) back in me.
• then there's a wait to see how many days it will take for my blood counts to come up by themselves. until they start working normally, i will be at risk for infection.

in the meantime, my family has been taking care of me, and making sure i eat. i've been eating a lot, because i don't eat when i'm around chemo-times. (i just can't deal with hospitals or the food there even though i know they are trying to make me better)

yesterday, my sisters went to take blood tests for me. because, just in case my own stem cells don't work, maybe one of them will be a match. 

mine will work. 

when i get home, the house has to have been sterilized from top to bottom and i'll probably need weeks to recuperate and make sure i'm not tired before i slowly start to go out again. a small price to pay for the rest of my life, yes.

am i scared? um, yeah. hello? shit.

am i bald? my head looks like mr. clean's head. only cuter. and less hair.

i'm on ativan for anxiety, which i don't take all the time-- only if i get "that way" and it's been helping me sleep a little because i've only taken it at night.

other problems i may have later? NONE, i'm saying none. i don't care what they say. 

and i would like my hair to grow back fast and normally. is that too much to  ask??

in the meantime, the worst part of this is me thinking that i'll either puke, hallucinate, or stay at the hospital even at all. 

i don't even know what else to do.3 weeks at a hospital being bored, tired, and bored. blah.

happier notes: my teeny nephew has gotten massive grades at school, he's just wonderful. my nieces are the yummiest ever, and my oldest nephew is going to be 17 this summer. holy. cow. and my friends are so amazing, i've gotten very, very lucky.

i'm also writing a book about my hodgkie story. publishers, anyone?

i don't want to have to miss all the fun events going on this summer but i guess i gotta so i can get better. blah. this makes me mad. so....

i hope you're enjoying your summers, please do so for me!!!

love me,

the globetrotting gamine

My New Book: Not Rid of You Yet.

My new book will be called, 'Not Rid of You Yet.'

Sounds great and interesting, right? Sure.

Hodgkie-Lymphoma decided to stick around after my 6 cycles of ABVD (without the B, that tried to kill me) Chemo.

What's the deal now- more chemo!

So a few weeks ago was my first actual stay at a hospital-- for 3 days of ice chemo that i blazed through unlike the ABVD chemo. I went through it just fine-- but the 2 days after that, being home was not so fun for me or my poor hubby, who has been taking care of me and giving me extra cuddles through this whole thing.

It really turned out, for me, not to be so bad. What's worst is the emotional turmoil of going through this still and now with all new drugs and procedures that is not fun. I was a crying/angry mess until about a week ago when I figured, let me go for a reiki massage.

It was my first time going for one, and I didn't know what to expect. All I knew is that I have to change everything since #fxckingcancer is sticking around, so this would be one of the steps.

The Reiki-Massage was life changing. It really was- I felt so great as I left the spa that I couldn't even explain it to anyone. I'm definitely going to go get another one and think everyone who's ever stressed should try to find a place/person who offers this service.

I have to give a huge thank you to my friends and family who have been with me through phone calls, hospital visits, text messages, mail packages, doctors visits and randomness. This is by no means an easy ride, and you've all made me feel less like a "creature" and more like a human out in the real and regular world. Thank you for understanding my mood swings, and MIA-ness, and for everything else :)

and for cake. and ice cream.

Since last week, I've begun meditating-- I have to say, it's helped a lot. A LOT. You can't imagine what having the big C is like, so to have outlets like writing, hobbies, movies...then massage therapy and reflexology...and a support team...

let's just say, i'm ready to kick hodgkin's ass.

edited to add:

oh yeah- i'll be going bald/hairless cat again.
also, seriously, i'm looking for a publisher-- if not for this book i'd like to write, then for the other one's i've written!! please, help!!
AND

@theellenshow i want to see your show when this fight of mine has been won!!

where i am

i am now going through ice chemo and I had a thought.

my books are on sale at amazon.com and lulu.com/spotlight/crozeas.
the proceeds of #francescasboutique, #wheredidallthecookiesgo, #billierosetheexceptional will go to st. jude's children's hospital.

nothing will make me happier this year.

please, let's make this happen, and i will keep you updated!!

love me,
the globetrotting gamine

may madness

i planned on going crazy this may. my last chemo, Godwilling, is behind me. i wanted to hit the ground running, and go and see and do....

but sometimes i'm so tired!! like today ;)

don't get me wrong, i was out and about for four days in a row--and now it's kicking my tush.

this is just a mini-update. i'm so excited that it's springtime and so much is going on!!


happy.thankful.blessed.

love me,
the globetrotting gamine

one left. ONE LEFT!

as i sit here writing this, my pup assistant is sitting in my lap. i've submitted another proposal to another publisher. i am anxiously awaiting for my next petscan so it can say...

you beat it!! it's over!! now, go live!

i'll happily do so. please pray for me, and everyone going through the battle!!

the future of my hair

So that's me, during chemo #10. Yep- hair's trying real hard to cover that head of mine.

It's crazy the amount of things I have to do before chemo is acutally over so I can feel as if I finally have some semblance of freedom.

The to do list keeps growing, and the weather is FINALLY getting so much more friendly that the last thing I want to do is get stuck being fatigued at home.

Today, with the amount of crazy paperwork I had to do, it only made me want to do everything else and I can't help but feeling the teeniest bit of overwhelmed.

What does one do when they're overwhelmed? Well, I'm sure they look at photos of possible future hairstyles, like these!!

 Alice from Twilight- I know it'll take me a few months to get here- like 6 months.

 at least 5 months to get to this hairstyle- i'm so excited! isn't alyssa milano beautiful??

 I think Halle Berry's hair is about the same length as the first photo I posted, so it'll be another 5-7 months.

 This photo? I'll have this hair in hopefully a YEAR from now. Sigh.

 Can't wait to do this ^ with my hair!!!

So these last two photos are what I'm going to be working with soon. Things are about to get interesting.
(most photos from google images)

Happy Monday!!

love me,
the globetrotting gamine
instagram: @globetrottinggamine

rachel zoe

i just finished this book, and i couldn't put it down!

rachel zoe is just awesome, i love her.

as a once-travel blogger (which is what i will go back to once chemo is over!) i had to share this excerpt from her book:

Holiday Pack List for Hot Weather:

"bikinis, cute bras, and boy shorts to wear under sheer dresses (and that can double as swimwear when the moment arises); tunics, caftans, and sundresses that can serve as dresses or tops. A fabulous belt can turn a sarong into a dress, so pack one that sits on the waist, in leather or raffia, or a color woven or gold chain.
Anything in lighter, brighter colors, and definitely white, is appropriate, and leave most of the black and any items that require dry cleaning at home. leave the pumps behind, too. this is one of the few times I'll pack flip flops, and a sandal of any kind is requisite. Also, great are espadrilles and open toe wedges. Clothes might be minimal, but not accessories. Stockpile hoops, anything ethnic, and bangles (island cheapies are such a great addition). And layer yellow gold on top of a St. Tropez tan for a look that is always uberfabulous."

more to come!

certainly not dull

though i have hodgkin's lymphoma, and am going through chemo-

i'm sorry, i'm still restless. at least mentally.

my hubby, LML, has the good sense to tell me when I need to sit still and do nothing. He's been amazing and our latest project kept us busy this weekend.

the truth is...once they tell me i'm in remission, other than sleeping- i won't plan on sitting still.

i've had 7 months of pent up energies here going nowhere- especially because of the mental block that chemo brings.

i've had a few roadblocks. 2 chemos were pushed to a further along date- I think I would have been done with the 12 treatments I would have had by now. My last date is ::fingers crossed:: sometime at the end of the month.

biopsies, extractions, blood tests, doctors, emergency room visits, chemo itself, smells that make you seriousl y sick, mouth sores due to chemo side effects, and constantly being on some sort of meds to fend off viruses really takes a toll on a person. especially when all that person wants is their life back.

the truth is that life will never be the same after you get stuck with something like this and maybe THAT's OK! maybe life will be better, maybe one would be happier...

at least I know I will be.

this is not something that's easy.

all through this, i've learned who my REAL friends are and who to kick to the curb. it's sad when you realize that there's people out there who don't even give you a second thought upon finding out something of this magnitude, but I have to learn to let go.

the people who have stuck around, those are some good eggs. i am totally and completely blessed.

thankfully, my chemo journey carried me through winter, where I couldn't go out and participate in anything much anyway. i've barely been out for months and DO remember the last time i saw all my friends past 9pm at the same time!

geez.

i have so many things i want, and will do when this is over that yes- i can't sit still. my soul-friends know this about me. poor things.

(sorry in advance to tire you out!)

so that's what's been going on in the chemo-fog that is my brain.

on to bigger and better- and even if i do have to live with the worry that this may or may not return one day- i'm not gonna worry too much.

i'm going to do the same thing that you should do.
go out and live.