My New Book: Not Rid of You Yet.

My new book will be called, 'Not Rid of You Yet.'

Sounds great and interesting, right? Sure.

Hodgkie-Lymphoma decided to stick around after my 6 cycles of ABVD (without the B, that tried to kill me) Chemo.

What's the deal now- more chemo!

So a few weeks ago was my first actual stay at a hospital-- for 3 days of ice chemo that i blazed through unlike the ABVD chemo. I went through it just fine-- but the 2 days after that, being home was not so fun for me or my poor hubby, who has been taking care of me and giving me extra cuddles through this whole thing.

It really turned out, for me, not to be so bad. What's worst is the emotional turmoil of going through this still and now with all new drugs and procedures that is not fun. I was a crying/angry mess until about a week ago when I figured, let me go for a reiki massage.

It was my first time going for one, and I didn't know what to expect. All I knew is that I have to change everything since #fxckingcancer is sticking around, so this would be one of the steps.

The Reiki-Massage was life changing. It really was- I felt so great as I left the spa that I couldn't even explain it to anyone. I'm definitely going to go get another one and think everyone who's ever stressed should try to find a place/person who offers this service.

I have to give a huge thank you to my friends and family who have been with me through phone calls, hospital visits, text messages, mail packages, doctors visits and randomness. This is by no means an easy ride, and you've all made me feel less like a "creature" and more like a human out in the real and regular world. Thank you for understanding my mood swings, and MIA-ness, and for everything else :)

and for cake. and ice cream.

Since last week, I've begun meditating-- I have to say, it's helped a lot. A LOT. You can't imagine what having the big C is like, so to have outlets like writing, hobbies, movies...then massage therapy and reflexology...and a support team...

let's just say, i'm ready to kick hodgkin's ass.

edited to add:

oh yeah- i'll be going bald/hairless cat again.
also, seriously, i'm looking for a publisher-- if not for this book i'd like to write, then for the other one's i've written!! please, help!!
AND

@theellenshow i want to see your show when this fight of mine has been won!!

certainly not dull

though i have hodgkin's lymphoma, and am going through chemo-

i'm sorry, i'm still restless. at least mentally.

my hubby, LML, has the good sense to tell me when I need to sit still and do nothing. He's been amazing and our latest project kept us busy this weekend.

the truth is...once they tell me i'm in remission, other than sleeping- i won't plan on sitting still.

i've had 7 months of pent up energies here going nowhere- especially because of the mental block that chemo brings.

i've had a few roadblocks. 2 chemos were pushed to a further along date- I think I would have been done with the 12 treatments I would have had by now. My last date is ::fingers crossed:: sometime at the end of the month.

biopsies, extractions, blood tests, doctors, emergency room visits, chemo itself, smells that make you seriousl y sick, mouth sores due to chemo side effects, and constantly being on some sort of meds to fend off viruses really takes a toll on a person. especially when all that person wants is their life back.

the truth is that life will never be the same after you get stuck with something like this and maybe THAT's OK! maybe life will be better, maybe one would be happier...

at least I know I will be.

this is not something that's easy.

all through this, i've learned who my REAL friends are and who to kick to the curb. it's sad when you realize that there's people out there who don't even give you a second thought upon finding out something of this magnitude, but I have to learn to let go.

the people who have stuck around, those are some good eggs. i am totally and completely blessed.

thankfully, my chemo journey carried me through winter, where I couldn't go out and participate in anything much anyway. i've barely been out for months and DO remember the last time i saw all my friends past 9pm at the same time!

geez.

i have so many things i want, and will do when this is over that yes- i can't sit still. my soul-friends know this about me. poor things.

(sorry in advance to tire you out!)

so that's what's been going on in the chemo-fog that is my brain.

on to bigger and better- and even if i do have to live with the worry that this may or may not return one day- i'm not gonna worry too much.

i'm going to do the same thing that you should do.
go out and live.

advice needed

I have a number of back-issues of magazines. anyone have any clue what i can do with them other than throw them away? i don't want to post them on e-bay, but i know i can get $25+ for some. (they're mostly Vogue)

you guys are my information mecca so any help is insanely appreciated <3