certainly not dull

though i have hodgkin's lymphoma, and am going through chemo-

i'm sorry, i'm still restless. at least mentally.

my hubby, LML, has the good sense to tell me when I need to sit still and do nothing. He's been amazing and our latest project kept us busy this weekend.

the truth is...once they tell me i'm in remission, other than sleeping- i won't plan on sitting still.

i've had 7 months of pent up energies here going nowhere- especially because of the mental block that chemo brings.

i've had a few roadblocks. 2 chemos were pushed to a further along date- I think I would have been done with the 12 treatments I would have had by now. My last date is ::fingers crossed:: sometime at the end of the month.

biopsies, extractions, blood tests, doctors, emergency room visits, chemo itself, smells that make you seriousl y sick, mouth sores due to chemo side effects, and constantly being on some sort of meds to fend off viruses really takes a toll on a person. especially when all that person wants is their life back.

the truth is that life will never be the same after you get stuck with something like this and maybe THAT's OK! maybe life will be better, maybe one would be happier...

at least I know I will be.

this is not something that's easy.

all through this, i've learned who my REAL friends are and who to kick to the curb. it's sad when you realize that there's people out there who don't even give you a second thought upon finding out something of this magnitude, but I have to learn to let go.

the people who have stuck around, those are some good eggs. i am totally and completely blessed.

thankfully, my chemo journey carried me through winter, where I couldn't go out and participate in anything much anyway. i've barely been out for months and DO remember the last time i saw all my friends past 9pm at the same time!

geez.

i have so many things i want, and will do when this is over that yes- i can't sit still. my soul-friends know this about me. poor things.

(sorry in advance to tire you out!)

so that's what's been going on in the chemo-fog that is my brain.

on to bigger and better- and even if i do have to live with the worry that this may or may not return one day- i'm not gonna worry too much.

i'm going to do the same thing that you should do.
go out and live.