re: frenemy situation, help!


what do you do when you get this in an e-mail?

(names and such have been altered into blank lines or bleeps for discretionary purposes. is this person even friend material, let alone best friend? i am so sick over the circumstances right now and in need advice)

MG, I am not a mind reader and cannot understand what you are truly mad at me about but here are a list of things I have thought about that may be bothering you. You yourself were on the email with **and there is no where stated anywhere in that email of me explaining to her that you were definetely going to Italy or a date of departure. In regards to the hotel nonsense you have created, you yourself have been sharing that story for years of how I met your cousin playing hide and go seek in your ** property, if that bothers you now then that is really ridiculous because that is something we have told everyone for years and that is how I really met him. We even have journal entries about that story. There is no reason at all to be offended by that. In regards to Montreal I did not tell the people in the email what your fight with John was about I did say you had a fight with him and left it at that because an Adult is responsible enough to tell those that she is traveling with the day before a trip she planned with others (friend 1 and partner) that she will not be traveling with them instead of the people she promised to travel with being surprised that you would not appear. As an adult that is the appropriate thing to do. Being an adult means when you make appointments or meetings with people you try your best to keep them and if you cannot attend you tell all the people involved themselves. Also being an adult and a caring friend means trying to make time to see the people who come to see you instead of just attending events that are to your benefit because you do not like where they are being held or the time they are being held. It is one thing to not be able to attend an important event (and not I am not talking about *random person*) because of work or other business but because of personal preference of not liking a place is a little to much. That is childish and selfish on many levels to expect people to run for you to your events and places of desire and not to care about anything they do. Being a friend requires giving and taking. The moment you close off that door you are not allowing anything to grow in life. In your youth you were not like this but as you get older I have noticed these people that tell me this are right and as your friend I say you should reevaluate yourself in this respect. See what is causing you to be like this to others. Remember when you help others they will help you back one day, it is part of being Orthodox. You yourself loved the church so much and now the simple things of Christianity you are ignoring. I have also noticed your hatred of everyone and everything in the world. Since when did you become so negative? What is really bothering you to be so negative. You have been like this for months. Is it what *other ex best friend* caused with *her new friend* ? What has made you so bitter? I do not say this in regards to myself either I say this in regards to the many people you associate with who have come to me to share this information with me who have been offended and hurt at some point or other by this. Please tell me what the real issue is that is bothering you instead of trying to nitpick at me about nonsense. An adult can say what is really bothering them instead of nitpicking at nonsense because they do not want to say what the real issue is. And adult can also confront me to tell me in my face what is bothering them instead of hiding behind a computer screen like little children do when they have done something wrong they go and hide under a table. If this is about *acquaintance* the ongoing issue that you have with her and for whatever reason blame me for I am sorry. I really do not know how to solve that situation for you. I have told you time and time again you are my koumbara she is just a friend. I also do not understand what the issue is as *friend 1* sees and hangs out with *acquaintance* more then I do, two weeks ago *friend1* went to dinner and a movie with *acquaintance*. I agree with you in that situation that what she did was wrong regarding that wrestling night I even told her she was wrong in person. She did not clarify to anyone that it was a male only event and in that respect *acquaintance* was wrong. I also agree she is wrong about the email response she sent you on facebook. But so much time has passed and you yourself have spoken to *acquaintance* at *friend one's* party. Which leads me to my next topic of discussion, no one is perfect. I am not perfect you are not perfect and sometimes you might think I understand what you are thinking but sometimes I really do not. Your *family members* are not perfect but you love them and I love them which leads me to my final topic of discussion. If you are mad at me because *LML* does not like them and did not want to be in Montreal because of them I am sorry. I have not and will not ever say that to your sister or niece because a) that is not my business to take part of and b) I really do not understand why he hates them that much. I have known your *family member* from before she was born and honestly cannot understand how he can hate her so much as not wanting to spend time with her. I understand that *family member* calls you a lot but she is your *family member* and she has always been that way from even before you were married. It honestly, saddens me. In regards to your comment of I have a lot of growing up to do I agree with you but I also think this applies to you as well on this topic. Family is family and if you are pissed that they were with us in Montreal I am sorry, but I love them and I don't want to segregate them from my life. I know you love them more then I do and with this I say be mature enough to stand up for that. If this is in regards to your birthday in September with *acquaintance husband's* birthday party I have no comment for that. I asked you many times for weeks what you wanted to do for your birthday. You had said *random place* I said ok. You decided against *random place* and said you would let me know. You said *other place* then decided against *other place*. I made a surprise party for you at a place that did not require going out at a place you are ok with a Cafe and you still were not pleased because you were offended in some way that me and *friend 1* were attending *acquaintance husband* birthday party. I am sorry this offended you. But remember his birthday party wasn't even on your birthday. Your birthday is the 29th not the 26th. I was honestly offended that me and *friend 1* planned the surprise party for you and that you told me off again everything is only my fault then you went on to have a birthday party of your own without me and I find this out with pictures on facebook. I think that is beyond childish. I would never do that to you but that is your way of spiting me which also bothers me because I do not look to spite you in any way because I love you. I do not know where your anger for me stems from. I love you, you are my family and I am not perfect. If I offended you by being myself I am sorry because being myself is how I have always been. You of all people have known me 25 years and known how I am. You know me better then any other person on earth. You are more then my *best friend*, you are my sister. To not speak to me because of these petty issues I think is ridiculous. Life is short, we are here today gone tomorrow. Hating the world and everyone in it is not the way to view life. I just thank god you emailed me even though I know your mad at me so I know that your ok. Your health is the most important thing to me and your existence everything else are minor silly issues that can be resolved. I love you and I am here for you. If you want to see me and yell at me to make yourself feel better please do. I will just sit there and let you yell. Whatever this anger is in you it is not good or healthy to keep it in. It is best to let it out. See me and scream at me it will help you.


this was the original e-mail I wrote that caused it all...
You've been talking to too many people about private matters (on my part) that i only tell you in confidence. I didn't want ** or anyone to know i was going to italy. now that i'm not going, i need to talk to you about respecting my privacy. i don't want random people knowing where i am just because i am not out in *random place*, asking me what's going on and where have i been. i also don't want people to know where it is that we have a house or a hotel or a skato (greek word for shit). there are things that i don't want advertised and you do that all the time.

you have to give me some respect. i'll do what i please and what i have to do but not at the expense of my privacy. if i want to tell the world when i take a crap, that's my business. when you tell me things and you tell me not to tell anyone, i don't. please do the same for me.
i will post the rest if you'd like...but if anyone out in bloggie land can help me...please do. Yesterday I found out that she's not only been telling people i am pregnant and depressed, she's been telling people that LML and I have been broke. BROKE.
God help me. Someone help me. Peez.


  1. One question, Is this your friend or your client. When I went into psych. nursing a supervisor told me once that the only thing separating psych workers from their pts. and is one thin gene (grin) that’s probably very true. But I also think we attract future pts. for friends because were the only ones that can deal with their drama and actions and we just don‘t see the drama anymore it‘s all on automatic. Step back and think about how you would advise a pt. who came to you about this problem then take that advice.
    ♥ Pacy

  2. Hi Pacy :)

    The first letter was actually written to me by my best friend for 24 years. She's the absolute last person i'd expect to go around and start talking about me badly behind my back. She never took into consideration the fact that my Grandmother was in the hospital then readmitted to a rehab center during my birthday-time, that I have constant demands and responsibilities on me. She's even been running around telling people I'm broke (well, LML and I) and people believe her because she's "my best friend".
    I know, I've studied psychology, counseling and the like, and I'm a counselor damnit. LOL.
    I'm at a total loss though!
    I *would* ask a patient if it was really worth it to keep this kind of person as a friend. I know the answers, I just never expected that it would happen to me. From her. It's basically vicious and I'm trying to figure out what I've done wrong...you know, aside from my hatred towards others :) Geez.

    Thanks, Pacy <3

  3. I don't think that she's viciously doing this though MG. She's displacing her own inadequacies onto you. In reality she must really be miserable (think about all the things she does to "make" her self happy...)- And since you and LML AREN'T broke, and you AREN'T unhappy but you don't do what she does to MAKE herself happy YOU actually must be miserable from her guise.

    Also she's being disrespectful by negating your opinions and feelings. You're a very private person and for a person who as known you as long as she has known you, you'd think that she'd know not to blab all your personal information and things that anyone who has known you that long knows would upset you. Also she writes like she's in the 7th grade. Not that that is apropos of anything but it hurt my brain to read.

    I say just take a break. It may help her grow...and really she needs help. Not just growing but overall. She's disrespectful, rude and selfish. She has some kind of weird issues.

    You are not negative.
    And not going someplace b/c you don't like it is normal. It's not even like it's a restaurant you don't like, it's the situation. Not everyone wants to go to a club at midnight. Especially when they are grown. Also...how your LML feels about anyone in your family is NOBODY's business but you and LMLs.

    I hope she and I aren't ever in the same place at this point b/c I probably wouldn't bite my tongue. What a deluded idiot.

  4. Yep it's a really hard decision. I myself had to end my relationship with an Aunt. She's only a few years older than me and has always been a best friend, but our relationship was so toxic to me and my family. I finely had to say enough and cut my ties to her. It's made some awkward family reunions, but my life with so less hurt, stress and drama has been shown me that it’s the best decision I could have made.
    ♥ Pacy

  5. Cut her out, it's too much drama! She's clearly nuts. I did the same and now I'm FREE!

  6. Beatrice McMann15 October, 2010

    Sounds like you must be leaving out your inner issues here. This information you are sharing with us looks like much information is missing here to this story. My best friend Natasha and I have been friends for 35 years and if she would have told me something like that I must have done something to deserve that attitude. Look into yourself and find an answer. Maybe this person was trying to show you that you are not yourself. Years ago Natasha woke me up out of a bad marriage I had if it was not for her I would have stayed with an alcoholic. I also wonder your maturity level my dear, at my age of 56 I would not be displaying any type of conversations on the internet between myself and any of those dear to me. Seems you have a lot of growing up to do my dear.

  7. Hi Beatrice :) Thank you for your comment.
    Yes, there is information missing to the story. After some months of tiffs, regarding me telling my friend to please respect my wishes and privacy it just never worked. For example; throwing a last minute birthday party for me I did not want because my Grandmother just came out of the hospital and gone into rehab, blabbering on facebook and in person to others of what my family does or does not own, forwarding information i told her in confidence to all of our friends...after telling her to please respect my privacy, I was told I was crazy and delusional and purposely picking on her because I was miserable.
    Note that I never intended to cause an argument with the e-mail I had written to her to please respect my privacy, but she blew it up.
    I am very sorry about your marriage and am happy you have found a true friend in Natasha. Regarding me posting on my blog about an issue I was having, it was therapeutic for me. You are entitled to your own feelings about my maturity :)
    Again, thank you for your comment and have a happy week!

  8. PS-
    I've just read back on my post and noticed that the original e-mail I wrote in regards to this post is indeed posted, just in case you were wondering!


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