How to spot an Asshole

I've been cutting out specific articles from magazines, and magazines are always a good way to start a conversation...information on fashion, food & recipes, home decor have always been big with me. I've also wanted to travel since as far back as I remember. Of course, going to school taught me at least that I have to work to get what I want but...also that there's going to be a lot of assholes out there trying to bring you and your dreams down.

A lot of assholes live in New York.

These are the kinds of assholes that live here:

-The Best Friend Asshole: this is an asshole that you thought was your best friend and went behind your back and did or said something. It can also be the asshole that just drops you cold turkey without rhyme or reason or an explanation because they pussy out on one.

-The Whore Asshole: Man-stealer, friend stealer- basically, a stealer. The whore asshole is usually spotted by always asking for attention and compliments because of their self-esteem issues. You'll recognize them because they are always hanging out with new crowds, and have not had one friend for longer than 2-10 years. The whore asshole also always spreads rumors that the people you are closest to are whores, even though they're the ones who sit at cafe's and can't even name all the people they've banged.

-The Bragging Asshole: This is a whole other breed. It can also be coined as 'My Shit Don't Stink' Asshole, which is pretty self-explanatory. I have worked for one of these, and was also once close with one. The bragging asshole pretty much toots their own horn and might as well give you the key to their house while they are away on a bragging vacation so you can rob the stuff that they've purchased and also advertised on Facebook. Morons.

-The Driving Asshole: Oh. My. God. There is no one in front of these people and they insist on going about oh, ten miles an hour. Wacking off or texting. Don't they KNOW that there's a road in front of them? Why give these people a license? Why don't they get a ticket, but instead if I AM DRIVING and my back light is out- I'll get pulled over. Does this make any sense. No. Driving Assholes.

-The Loser Asshole: Get a job if you're not collecting unemployment. Listen to your parents. Learn how to do something. Grow the hell up. Asshole.

-The Education Asshole: Let's get something straight. I don't care where you went to school or how cultured you think you are. If people label you as cultured, you are clearly an asshole. You're also probably a moocher who eats everyone else's food and works in the education or medical field. Sad. So sad.

- The Copycat Asshole: Not to be confused completely with the loser asshole. The copycat always tries to one-up you and you can spot them from a mile away. Same hair, steals your vocab, your style...it's just weird. Get your own damned life, copycats. God.

Please don't come to NY think that assholes only live where you are. Believe me, we have them here, too. When you spot one: run. Just run.