insanely thankful- an essay

here i am- it's the night before my 30th birthday.
i feel like i'm coming to the end of a roller coaster and now my real fun can begin.

i can't help but think to myself- whoa, 30? Really?
i know i can't possibly ask how i got here, because I know.

i know what i've been through, lived through-- what and who and when i've loved, what i've liked not-so-much--
and how thankful i am that this is my life. mine.

how lucky i was to be born into my family...
to have the friends that never hurt me and always, ALWAYS took care of me..
to have the friends that made me understand what true friends are.

how lucky i was to have the childhood i've lived...
that i'd met my husband at such a young age and KNEW...
how lucky i was that the life i was meant to live followed me around like a shadow and never ceased to give me a 'wake up' kick in the ass.

how fortunate i was to go to good schools...
for my parents who gave me everything they possibly could, and for my sisters who watched out for me.
for my grandparents, who i miss so much and who were a second set of parents to me.

how thankful i am for the block i was born and lived on...
the schools i went to and the experiences i've had--
not all of them outstanding but they do make for good stories i've written ;)

for the people i met in the workforce since the age of 16,
and everyone i met while i was, officially, a school counselor...
for the opportunity to be pushed into writing as if a sumo wrestler was trying to teach me a lesson.

there are so many moments i remember from days past that i will never forget...
like... sitting in a patch of sunlight on my living room floor, witnessing the banter between my Grandma and Grandpa.
like...having my friends running through my house, and one throwing my shoe up into my gutter...

i wonder if it's still there!

i will never forget the days of watergun fights, watching movies with my friends, eating endlessly, saving my friend from an oncoming bicycle-slaught, remembering every single moment i touched my husband's hand when i was a 13 year old with a crush...
i can't help remembering "my kids" who taught me so much...
i will never forget looking into the eyes of my peers and breathing a sigh of relief that others outside my circle might actually know me for who i really was--because they did, do...

i will never forget the scary and hysterical moments with everyone i've come across-- my mentor who was a part of my very soul and probably hanging out with my Grandparents at this very moment...

the days under the sun...the boys i had a crush on, especially the one who owned my heart from the very first moment...

i will never forget the days i spent with my crazy niece-- who would chase people down with babybottles filled with water to spray into peoples eyes and her endless shrieks...that were just to annoy people and not at all from laughter. i remember when she used to sneak upstairs on weekend morning so we would watch scary movies and try not to scream to wake up Grandma.

i will never forget the day my first nephew came home...and how i couldn't even pick him up because he was so small....or the times he would make his way up the stairs and crawl into bed with me, holding his two pacifiers. it seemed that the only time he would sleep would be when he was with me. and when he was awake, he was happiest playing with LML.

i will never forget the day i met my youngest nephew- with his button nose and big brown eyes. and the fact that he farted in my hand as if to state, ' yes! i was born into this family- haha!'

...when i swung on my sisters' hair...
...discovering and exploring the library with my older sister...
...pets on the head from grandma and mom...
...grandpa helping me with art/easter homework because he was an artist. and a photographer. and a great man....
...my dad and his amazing brain, though he doesn't think so. and the fact that anything he cooks is ridiculously yummy...
...and the fact that i have his eyes...
..and the stories of my amazing family...

there are so many things i will never forget, that made me ME. so many people that hold a special place in my heart that it's unbelievable.

i am so thankful...and not just because i'm almost 30.

because i'm still me, and i still am. and i always will be....

so thanks...
for buying my books, listening to me prattle on, supporting me and encouraging me. thank you for the hugs, for letting me take pictures to post..or even of whoever is reading this.

i wish i could have captured every moment. but i've kept the near and dear ones very close.

thank you :)